When the last post ended I had just said the words “I’m Gay” out loud for the first time. I had spoken them to my friend Julie who had also closed the restaurant that night.
As I had mentioned in the previous post, we were headed to the local watering spot with some co-workers after a long, busy night at work. After our twenty minute conversation in the car Julie and I rushed to meet the others at Buffalo Wild Wings.
There were ominous clouds in the sky and we could see the lightning in the distance. I had the window all the way down as you could smell the aroma of rain nearby. It was calming me as I was secretly freaking the hell out, wondering what the hell I had just done.
We pulled into the parking lot and I tried to regain my composure. We walked into the bar and ordered a drink as we waived to the table of co-workers alerting them of our arrival. Looking back at it, I don’t know why I was so worried. Among the crew who’d met us there was Audrey and Wendy, an openly lesbian couple. Everyone knew that they were gay and everyone accepted it, no questions asked.
Julie had bought me a shot of Jaegermeister along with a tall Bud Light and we made our way over to the table of our co workers. They were sitting at the bar tables right next to the one pool table in the bar. There was even a little pissing contest pool war going on. I sat next to Julie and we started to talk about the work shift we had just left. We were both bitching about our manager Jesse.
Jesse was a new manager going through training fresh off the street. Julie and I, along with the rest of the crew there had worked at the restaurant for more than a year at least. Some had even been there 8, 9 or even 10 years.
Jesse was your typical ‘hired off the street to manage you’ asshole. He thought he knew everything about anything. Although he couldn’t manage tasks as simple as wiping a table off before he sat customers down to eat. This pissed most of the serving staff off as it reflected poorly on those of us who were working for tips, not salary.
I was so happy that he wasn’t there, but not surprised as managers were not allowed to hang out with their crew socially. I remember doing a few shots of Jaeger with everyone and then Julie, Nicole and I managed our way to the dance floor.
I’m Real by Jennifer Lopez ruled the airwaves that summer. It had just started to play and we wanted to dance.
On the dancefloor I completely let go of everything that had happened that night. Especially the fact that my arch enemy manager Jesse had been schmoozing with Jefferey whom I had messed around with a couple weeks prior.
We stayed on the dancefloor for a few more songs and then eventually made our way to the bar to get another drink before heading back to the table.
As we walked back to the table I remember stopping like a deer in the headlights as I caught a glance of our new attendees. Jesse and his friend had shown up and they were now involved in the pool contest.
Julie knew I was stressed out and she encouraged me to ignore him. She even bought me another beer in an effort to sidetrack me. It seemed to work for about a half hour or so. Jesse ran the pool table and I sat and relaxed with my co-workers.
I remember that we heard some cheering and looked up from our conversation. Much to my surprise, Jesse had a tray full of drinks and shots. He was treating all of us to a round on him.
He passed out everyone’s drink and started to make a drunk toast to his co-workers. I remember it very vividly to this day:
“Here’s to Eric being a big ole fag”, he said and then downed his shot.
Everyone’s conversations got very quiet in awe of this toast. I sat in shock, unable to say a word to defend myself. I wasn’t ready to tell everyone about this, I wasn’t ready for everyone to know.
I downed my shot and walked to the restroom which was in the entry way of the bar. I remember going in and splashing my face with water in order to gain composure.
When I left the bathroom I wasn’t able to go back and face everyone. I closed my tab and went outside to smoke a cigarette. Julie eventually came to look for me. She understood why I didn’t want to go back and didn’t force it. She offered to take me back to my car.
She and I walked to her car. She unlocked it and I got in. By this time the rain had started to fall pretty heavily. We rode in silence back to my car. I remember having the window down the whole time. I didn’t care that it was pouring. I didn’t care that I was getting soaked. I just wanted to feel something other than the humiliation I had faced a few minutes ago.
Not a word was said as she dropped me off at my car. I got in and drove home. The next day I had to work a double shift. I had to face all of these people in less than 12 hours.
I went in to work around 10:00 the next day. My regional boss was there. Several of my co-workers had called her the night before to let her know about the actions of my manager.
We talked for a few minutes and she informed me that Jesse had been transferred to another restaurant. I wish that at this time either my mom or dad would have chosen to be involved in my life as I probably could have sued the shit out of that restaurant, but alas… that’s a topic for another day.
None of my co-workers treated me any different that day. I did get the occasional question, but I had come to find out that most people already assumed I was gay and this was no shock to them.
My closet doors had just been blown out to my co-workers. And no one treated me poorly. No one looked down on me. In fact, I became a lot more involved with them socially as a result of the outing.
Work and my personal life are two different things. It would be another 6 months or so before I would out myself to Gloria and another year or four before I would out myself to my mom and family.
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