A Heterosexual Relapse

– March 24, 2010Posted in: 1, Gay Families

I highly recommended that you read my post The ‘System’ Fails Gay Men (Why Somedays I Wish I Were Still In The Closet) before reading this post. It will help you get inside my head a bit in order to understand where this one comes from.

Here goes:

I pulled up to the stop sign at Elida road with my fists clenched tightly to the steering wheel. I carefully looked both ways, and then proceed on my drive. It was warm, close to 70 or so. I had the windows down to enjoy the fresh air, for it had been a long night at work. I closed the restaurant. All those needy customers always seemed to take a toll on me towards the end of the night. The half hour drive home always seemed to clear my mind.

During the drive, Brandy’s Full Moon CD played. This had become my empowerment CD at the time. My girlfriend/ex-fiance and I had recently broken up and I was headed home to my own house, my own rules and basically a world of new possibilities to explore. My mind drifted off and before I knew it I was home. I grabbed my empowerment CD and hurried into the house to resume where my drive had left off.

I cracked open an ice cold Bud Light, My drink of choice at the time and flipped on my computer. My new obsession at this time was the internet. I had just begun using the new phenomenon called chat rooms. Gay.com to be exact. I had begun exploring my sexuality a bit more and there was one guy in particular, named Chad, that was helping me do that. Chad and I would talk all night long on nights that I didn’t have Zoe. This was one of those nights.

As a result of being in a very small and closed minded town, the internet was the ONLY way for me to begin exploring my sexuality quietly. I remember sitting there patiently waiting for my dial up internet to connect. By this time it was after midnight.

When my computer finally connected to the internet I quickly went to the gay.com chat room. Chad was on, and I remember that making me very excited. He and I had never done anything sexually, but he always listened. At the time he helped me deal with feelings I was having as I had just gotten out of a miserable heterosexual relationship.

Chad and I chatted for about twenty minutes and then I got up to get another beer and use the restroom. I hurried back and nearly the exact second I cracked that bottle open, my pleasurable night was quickly interrupted with the ring of my phone.

I looked at the caller ID, and it was my ex girlfriend. The man that she had cheated on me with had recently gone back to his wife (I still think that’s hilarious) and she had been calling me at all kinds of weird hours.

I typed BRB to Chad and I answered the call;

“Hey, what’s up?” I knew damn well what was up, she realized that she had messed things up and wanted me to come over in order to fix it in her mind. This was never going to happen, as I was much happier without her around. If she and I didn’t have a daughter together I would let her go to voicemail for the rest of my life.

Here’s the part of the conversation I remember most vividly:

“What are you doing, wanna come over?”

“Right now? It’s after midnight. Is everything ok?” I asked because my daughter was with her.

“Yeah, everything’s ok. I just want you to come over” she responded

“It’s after midnight Gloria, I’ll pass and I’ll see you in the morning when I come to pick up Zoe”

“Don’t you want to come see Zoe now” she asked in a very hounding voice.

“Isn’t she asleep” I questioned.

“Yeah, but she wants to see you now” she hounded again.

“She will see me in the morning when I come to pick her up. She’s asleep and I’m not coming over to wake her up” I said firmly as she hung up on me.

I went back to the computer. By this time I had spent about twenty minutes on the phone. I resumed my chat with Chad for another few minutes and then my phone rang again. Again it was Gloria, and this time she was begging me to come see Zoe (who’s asleep) right now.

Again I asked her if everything was ok, and again she said everything was ok. When I told her again that I would see her in the morning, she again hung up on me. Do you see a pattern here? I went back to my chat.

Around 1:30 AM I was wrapping up my chat with Chad, when she called again. It was the same song and dance, but this time I decided to go over.

I packed my things and made the 3 or 4 minute drive over to her house. When I arrived, Zoe was asleep as I expected. Gloria and I sat on the porch for a while and talked. We had been broken up for about 6 months, and never talked about getting back together before this night. To make a long story short, I ended up staying the night and yes we did.

The next morning she acted as if we were a happy family again, until I tried to take Zoe to my house with me. That began the worst form of child abuse ever, she started using my daughter against me.

Look for more on this subject in the future.

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‘The System’ Fails Gay Men (Why Somedays I Wish I Were Still In The Closet) Although I firmly believe that I was born gay, I...
Help! My Dad’s Openly Gay and I’m Staying in the Closet! My post The Diary of a Young Closeted Gay Man...
The Silent Relationship Killer (Part Two) I began teaching at a Catholic school in 1993 through...

CynStorm

Wow, beautifully done!

I have to say, one of the things that make me completely livid is grown ups using children as pawns, especially parents who believe they have the right to toy and manipulate using their children.

It’s not like I don’t know what I am talking about, my partner and I split up 7 years ago, for a year and a half, at the time we had a 3 yr old daughter. While being split up we were still intimate and I got pregnant with our son (we had used protection).

I never, never used our children as a means to control their father. We may not have agreed on many things, which caused our break up to begin with, but all those “things” meant nothing when our children were around.

Parent, learn to separate your ‘issues”, your children are never an issue, you are so leave them out of it. As a mother, it infuriates me that another mother would do such a thing.

Hugs to you honey, I am humbled by your courage and proud of your strength.

Bisou,
Cyn
CynStorm

Wow, beautifully done!

I have to say, one of the things that make me completely livid is grown ups using children as pawns, especially parents who believe they have the right to toy and manipulate using their children.

It’s not like I don’t know what I am talking about, my partner and I split up 7 years ago, for a year and a half, at the time we had a 3 yr old daughter. While being split up we were still intimate and I got pregnant with our son (we had used protection).

I never, never used our children as a means to control their father. We may not have agreed on many things, which caused our break up to begin with, but all those “things” meant nothing when our children were around.

Parent, learn to separate your ‘issues”, your children are never an issue, you are so leave them out of it. As a mother, it infuriates me that another mother would do such a thing.

Hugs to you honey, I am humbled by your courage and proud of your strength.

Bisou,
Cyn
richal13

I love being with you almost three years now and still learning new things about you.
http://easygaylife.com/richal13 richal13

I love being with you almost three years now and still learning new things about you.
http://gaylife.about.com/od/comingoutstories/a/inmythirties.htm dancollier

Beautifully framed, really nails the moment and the emotions and the whys. thanks much for this spot-on piece. Alas, it’s all to true …
http://easygaylife.com/dancollier dancollier

Beautifully framed, really nails the moment and the emotions and the whys. thanks much for this spot-on piece. Alas, it’s all to true …
http://easygaylife.com/2010/03/an-outing-after-work/ An ‘Outing’ After Work

[...] That summer was particularly rough for me. I had begun to accept the fact that I was attracted to men and started exploring that aspect of my sexuality. It was also the same summer that I had my heterosexual relapse with Gloria. [...]
Mel

I think its great that you are sharing this story. Your experience has obviously not been an easy one. Hopefully it will help others who have children and are trying to be truthful about who they are. Its awful when children are used as pawns. Terrible way to punish the other parent too.

I wish you all the best.
Mel

I think its great that you are sharing this story. Your experience has obviously not been an easy one. Hopefully it will help others who have children and are trying to be truthful about who they are. Its awful when children are used as pawns. Terrible way to punish the other parent too.

I wish you all the best.
http://www.easygaylife.com Eric

Thanks Mel,

I’m working on a really personal post in which I tell her that I’m gay. It’s a story that people need to hear.
http://easygaylife.com/easygaylife Eric

Thanks Mel,

I’m working on a really personal post in which I tell her that I’m gay. It’s a story that people need to hear.

A Heterosexual Relapse

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